Anxiety Testimony and Triggers

When I read my toddler a story that has an illustration of an animal in it surrounded by a fence, he always says, ‘stuck’.

When I think about anxiety, I think about being trapped, locked up, or as my son describes when he speaks of the animals in his story books, stuck. Jesus helps me through anxiety. I first experienced anxiety and panic attacks about seven years ago during a difficult time in motherhood. My body was frozen, but my head was spinning. I was sat at the table in my kitchen and the walls began to close in on me. My chest was tight. My breathing was rapid. I couldn’t catch my breath. I thought that all the items on the kitchen worktops were about to be thrown in my direction. At first I couldn’t make a sound, I knew I hadn’t lost my voice, but somehow it just wouldn’t come out. I sat in darkness. Then suddenly, it came. I screamed. I cried in anguish. I screamed more. My husband was downstairs in his workshop. He rushed up the stairs, I can only imagine the thoughts going through his mind, some terrible accident. As he entered the room, his presence changed the atmosphere. His voice and his touch, as he placed his arms around me and I buried my head into his chest, brought a feeling of protection, safety. A strong desire to leave the house came upon me, and I ran down the stairs, I didn’t really want to leave my husband, but it was as thought being outside was the only way I would be able to breath again, to take the air into my lungs. I needed an open door. My mind wasn’t rational, my husband’s mind was. Mine was filled with fear, pain and anxiety. My husband came after me, and I collapsed in tears in a heap on the floor next to the door I was about to run out of. Slowly and gently my husband began to settle my breathing with reassurance and gentleness.

Since then, different situations in my life have caused anxiety to show up. Some of the reasons are obvious to me, on the surface, popping up now and again, like the weeds growing through the cracks in the pavement. Other reasons are much deeper, an accumulation of experiences, traumas in my life that would be triggered at unexpected times. When certain triggers cause anxiety to show up, I know that the open door I need isn’t the front door of my house, but the one Jesus opens, the one that truly sets me free. There are no locks on his door. He his holding out his hands waiting for me to run towards him.

He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young, (Isaiah 40:11 NIV).

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One morning, I was praying and seeking Jesus to minister to my heart, to help me with anxiety. I was given a picture. It was a bird that was trapped in a cage.

I was then given another picture; the bird’s cage door was wide open! The bird was sat on the branch of a tree. I can imagine the bird spreading its wings and chirping a beautiful sound in response to being let out of its cage. It was a beautiful picture of freedom and reminded me that when we look to Jesus, he opens the door to freedom. Jesus makes a way.

When we live in fear that drives anxiety, from my own experience, it sets the rational part of our mind off course. It can be difficult to see clearly, it doesn’t just trigger a response within the mind, but it also produces a very physical response, that can freeze our ability to function. When I think of the goodness of the Lord, and then I think of the weight and darkness of anxiety, the two don’t unite. It’s not from God.

From my own experience of anxiety, I know that I must make a choice to fix my thoughts on Jesus when it is triggered. If I don’t, it’s a downward spiral, that can result in falling into a pit. If that does happen, Jesus will lift us out of that pit. He’ll never abandon us, no matter how deep the pit.

How can we fight?

Jesus will take us by the hand and guide us in his light. Drawing closer to him in our struggles is the way towards his truth. Reading God’s word in the bible to fight off our battles with the sword, protecting ourselves with His shield from the flaming arrows that might come our way and try to tempt us, distract us or lead us into a path of destruction away from life, seeking God’s kingdom first and setting our feet on His rock will give us strong foundations so we don’t sink into a pit of despair.

Triggers

The trouble with anxiety, is that it takes us by surprise, it can appear so suddenly. Guarding our hearts and minds, keeping in step with the spirit, reading God’s word and receiving the armour of God are some ways we can be prepared for when those triggers might come. Triggers can’t always be avoided but sometimes we can prevent them by not putting ourselves in situation where we know they might show up.   

Being in a relationship with Jesus means that we are united in him, like any relationship, (not that I’m implying a relationship with Jesus is like ‘any relationship’!) to stay united, to stay connected, we need to be in communication with one another, so praying, listening and hearing what Jesus says to us through His spirit will allow him to minister to our hearts. This opens a door to our hearts to receive his peace and knowledge that he is with us, he is our comforter and helper and won’t let our foot slip when we seek him. Making a choice to receive freedom, and be willing to take his hand and let him guide us will soften our hearts, the darkness of anxiety will be washed away with his gentleness. The huge waves that starts with little explosions of bubbles under the surface, having potential to cause an uncontrollable volcanic reaction that could pour out a lava of emotions that would cover and damage anything in its way, will become soft gentle waves of peace.  Once we get there, our wings will be able to stretch out, and we will be able to fly again. We will be made stronger in Him, and Jesus will teach us His ways through it all, refining us and giving us a beautiful voice again, singing praises to our God.